You can spit me in the eye
But I will just lick it dry
You can try to call the Student Tribunal
But you’ll always get a bad signal
You can report me to the police
But not until you give me a kiss
You can’t forever hide in your shadow
Cause in the night we’ll be sharing your pillow
You can seek refuge in your circle of friends
But whose gonna stand by you when daylight ends?
I will
I will help you count sheep
I will watch you smile in your sleep
You can throw any sharp object at me
You can put poison in my red iced tea
You can stun me with a taser gun
Or run me over with a bus, I don’t care, have fun
I know just where you’re going next
Your house, I know its coordinates
Cause I attached a homing device in your Islets
of Langerhans And it won’t come off easily, I promise
(Although it automatically snoozes when it detects
When nothing is covering your epidermis)
I also use Google Earth
To confirm your (x,y) wherever you are on the planet
I devised an algorithm
Which enables me to know your whims
I would know when you feel like splurging
Or what color is the undergarment you’re (not) wearing
You can burn the ground I’m treading
Or dilapidate my face when I’m hibernating
Or take away all the oxygen in the air
And put more free radicals in the ozone layer
You can vacuum out all my hemoglobin
And send me off to fight with Green Goblin
You can force me to do the Macarena
And blast me off to the nearest supernova
You can spoil the plot of an adrenaline-pumping movie
Or annihilate the phosphors in the CRT of the TV
You can draw ill-conceived stick figures of me
But a few arcsecs more and you won’t let go of me
I sprayed pheromones all over your room
And left a message with subliminal hums
You can plot the ultimate scheme to assassinate me
But when it’s all said and done you’ll be stalking me
Stalk me. Please?
